27 October 2013

Manhole Covers May Charge New Yorkers’ Next Electric Vehicles

by Clifford Atiyeh
October 22nd 2013

Whenever we drive in cities, dodging manhole covers becomes something of a game. In places like Detroit and New York, they’re often recessed under layers of crumbling pavement, creating a camouflaged trap for delicate rims and low-profile tires. But one NYC startup wants to direct drivers toward manhole covers—so they can wirelessly recharge an electric vehicle while grabbing a coffee.Hevo Power, a seven-man startup armed with another dozen NYU professors and grad students, isn’t trying to mess with the city’s sewer system.

By early next year, as first reported by Wired, the group will install two magnetic resonance charging pads made from a fiberglass composite that resemble manhole covers—and perhaps most important, fit flush to the pavement.
The test cars, a pair of Smart ForTwo Electric Drive models equipped with the company’s 10-pound wireless receivers and an AC-to-DC converter, will juice up curbside at NYU’s Washington Square campus without any cords.Unlike inductive charging bases used for electric toothbrushes or the interior mats Chrysler, GM, andToyota offer to replenish smartphones, Hevo relies on magnetic resonance. Like induction, magnetic resonance transfers electrical energy with magnetic fields generated by coils, but adds capacitors that resonate at a matched frequency between the car and the charging pad. The result is a more forgiving field that doesn’t need to be lined up perfectly to work and can even wrap around interfering objects. Hevo’s electronics optimize the frequency to the car’s ride height (greater distances can reduce the power) and then relay information to a smartphone. After that, the manhole bases charge nearly as quickly as a wired Level 2 station, although Hevo’s three-phase 60-amp service is about 10-percent less efficient.“When it comes to charging, we don’t think public stations are tenable,” says Hevo Power chief operating officer Steven Monks. “They crowd the walkways, the cords are a tripping hazard.”But just as automakers are still trying to agree on a fast-charging standard, how wireless charging should work is similarly up in the air.

The Society of Automotive Engineers has tried to formulate a new standard for the past two years. Other wireless charging startups like WiTricity of Watertown, Massachusetts, have partnered with Mitsubishi, Audi, and Toyota to develop similar magnetic resonance systems, while Nissan says it would use inductive charging “once that technology is ready.”In the meantime, Monks says that the commercial sector will be an easier target than public streets. By the second quarter of 2014, Hevo plans to partner with several electric-truck manufacturers including Smith Electric, used in limited capacity by Frito-Lay and FedEx, and the new Via Motors co-founded by Bob Lutz.If automakers and municipalities catch on, we’re sure EV drivers would be happy not to “plug and play” ever again.

Was Budget 2014 a hit or miss? iMoney

Was Budget 2014 a hit or miss?
iMoney | 9:25AM Oct 26, 2013

Here is how Budget 2014 fared against some of the predictions made by budget watchers, according to finance website iMoney.

Hit: GST will be implemented

It is now confirmed that the most talked about Goods and Services Tax (GST) will be implemented on April 1, 2015 at 6%. This will replace the Sales and Services Tax (SST). In contrast to SST, where there is a possibility of double taxation, GST extinguishes that possibility altogether.

GST rate: At 6%, it is the lowest rate among all Asean countries, which have rates from 7% to 10% across the board.

Offset package: To counter financial burdens on the lower-income earners during the transition period, the government will be giving BR1M recipients an additional RM300 one-off cash assistance.

Income tax alteration: Personal income tax will be reduced by 1% to 3%. The maximum rate for income tax will also be increased from exceeding RM100,000 to exceeding RM400,000 with the tax rate reduced from 26% to 24% (above 100,000), 24.5% (above 250,000) and 25% (above RM400,000). Corporate and SME income tax will be also be reduced by 1%.

To further help the lower-income group, a considerable number of essentials are exempted from GST, such as food items like sugar, rice, flour, lentils, salt, herbs, and even salted fish, piped water, public transportation and the first 200 units of electricity per month for domestic users.

Other exemptions include issuance of passports, licences, healthcare and education services.

Hit: There will be a hike in RPGT

The real property gains tax (RPGT) announced is even stricter than the pre-2007 rates but will it be effective? In a bid to encourage home ownership the prime minister has reverted the RPGT rate to 30% on properties sold within three years.

"I hear the grouses of the rakyat who wish to own a comfortable home, especially from those in the low and medium-income groups. Various concerns have often been raised, such as soaring house prices, inadequate supply of houses and difficulties in getting financing," said PM Najib Razak when tabling the Budget 2014 today.

A 20% and 15% RPGT rate is also imposed on properties sold within four and five years respectively, and 0% for properties sold from the sixth year onwards.

To make it even stricter, non-citizens are imposed a 30% RPGT rate for disposal of properties within the holding period of up to five years, and 5% for the sixth year onwards.

Miss: Handouts will be less than before

Najib announced a total allocation of RM4.6 billion to implement the 1Malaysia People's Aid (BR1M) programme next year, expected to benefit 7.9 million recipients.

Households with monthly income of RM3,000 and below will receive RM650, an increase of RM150 (30%), while singles aged 21 and above with who earn less than RM2,000 will get RM300, an increase of 20% from RM250.

In addressing the cost of living among the middle-income group, BR1M will be extended to households with a monthly income of between RM3,000 and RM4,000.

Hit: Rising crime rate will be addressed

The government has allocated RM450mil under the National Key Result Areas (NKRAs) on Crime Reduction to reduce the crime index.

The budget allocated is for the Royal Malaysia Police (PDRM) to increase the number of police personnel for patrolling and combatting crime, and also to upgrade police headquarters, to purchase latest equipment and motorcycles for the Motorcycle patrolling unit.

An additional of 496 units of Closed Circuit Television (CCTV) cameras will also be installed to prevent street crimes at known crime hot spots in Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak.
Will the Budget 2014 make a difference to the country's economy and the rakyat's cost of living? What will it do to your personal finances?

Find out if you will be better or worse off using iMoney's Budget Calculator.

imoney Malaysia-Budget-2014-Infographic-1

PKFZ verdict blank cheque for ministers to wash hands

PKFZ verdict blank cheque for ministers to wash hands
2:50PM Oct 26, 2013

Yesterday's acquittal of former transport minister Dr Ling Liong Sik of wrongdoing in the Port Klang Free Zone (PKFZ) scandal amounts to giving cabinet ministers a "blank cheque" to write off any misdeeds under their purview, says DAP.

In a statement today, DAP parliamentary leader Lim Kit Siang said it was "shocking" of the High Court to rule that Ling cannot be held accountable as he was not the ministry’s "numero uno" (number one) but only “the transporter”.

NONE"Isn’t this as good as a blank cheque to all ministers that they enjoy immunity and impunity for whatever dereliction of duty in the course of official duties, including up to cabinet level?

"Is this the end  of the road in the quest to hold the person or persons responsible for the RM12.5 billion PKFZ scandal?" asked Lim.

The DAP veteran also asked what has happened to Prime Minister Najib Razak's "super task force" on the RM12.5 billion scandal, headed by then chief secretary Mohd Sidek Hassan, which was announced in September 2009.

"In the past four years Najib has not released even an iota of news with regard to the activities and findings (if any) of this super task force.

"Has the present chief secretary Ali Hamsa taken over this PKFZ super task force or has it closed shop and gone defunct?" he asked.

"Malaysia continues to be a land of 'heinous crimes without criminals', with Malaysians victimised by mega corruption and scandals that neither the government nor the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) can do anything to combat  when confronted with grand corruption involving big sharks instead of ikan bilis in the Malaysian corruption waters," Lim said.

NONEHe noted how since the time of former PM Dr Mahathir Mohamad no one had ever been charged for any of the mega-scandals, from the RM2.5 billion Bumiputra Malaysia Finance (BMF) scandal he called "the first mega-scandal in Malaysian history".

"Mahathir conceded the RM2.5 billion BMF scandal was a 'heinous crime', (but) there were no criminals, as no one was charged whether in the criminal or civil courts."

Lim asked if Najib intended to break his "long list of elegant silences” over efforts to bring those responsible for the PKFZ scandal to justice, or if it would end up another "failure" of the PM's NKRA on corruption.

20 October 2013

Recognizing and Preventing Child Abuse

Recognizing and Preventing Child Abuse

helpguide.org

Understanding child abuse and neglect

Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect

MYTH #1: It's only abuse if it's violent.Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #2: Only bad people abuse their children.Fact: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

MYTH #3: Child abuse doesn't happen in “good” families.Fact: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

MYTH #4: Most child abusers are strangers.Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

MYTH #5: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

Effects of child abuse and neglect

All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child’s sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work and at school. Some effects include:Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child—that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn’t know what a good relationship is.Core feelings of being “worthless” or “damaged.” If you’ve been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don’t believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.

Types of child abuse

There are several types of child abuse, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot predict how their parents will act. Their world is an unpredictable, frightening place with no rules. Whether the abuse is a slap, a harsh comment, stony silence, or not knowing if there will be dinner on the table tonight, the end result is a child that feel unsafe, uncared for, and alone.

Emotional child abuse

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child’s mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child.Calling names and making negative comparisons to others.Telling a child he or she is “no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake."Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying.Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment.Limited physical contact with the child—no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection.Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.

Child neglect

Child neglect—a very common type of child abuse—is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.

Physical child abuse

Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child’s age or physical condition.Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline—ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.

Physical abuse vs. Discipline

In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.Lashing out in anger.Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to “keep their child in line.” However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.

Child sexual abuse: A hidden type of abuse

Help for child sexual abuse:

1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Stop It Now1-800-656-HOPE Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)Or visit ChiWorld.org for a list of other international child helplinesChild sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust—most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it’s not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.

The problem of shame and guilt in child sexual abuse

Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older—often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won’t believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don’t turn a blind eye!

Warning signs of child abuse and neglect

The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn’t automatically mean a child is being abused. It’s important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice something off.

Warning signs of emotional abuse in children

Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).Doesn’t seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, throwing tantrums).

Warning signs of physical abuse in children

Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.Is always watchful and “on alert,” as if waiting for something bad to happen.Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.

Warning signs of neglect in children

Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.Is frequently late or missing from school.

Warning signs of sexual abuse in children

Trouble walking or sitting.Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.Doesn’t want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.Runs away from home.Child abuse and reactive attachment disorderSevere abuse early in life can lead to reactive attachment disorder. Children with this disorder are so disrupted that they have extreme difficulty establishing normal relationships and attaining normal developmental milestones. They need special treatment and support.

Risk factors for child abuse and neglect

While child abuse and neglect occurs in all types of families—even in those that look happy from the outside—children are at a much greater risk in certain situations.Domestic violence.Witnessing domestic violence is terrifying to children and emotionally abusive. Even if the mother does her best to protect her children and keeps them from being physically abused, the situation is still extremely damaging. If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationships, getting out is the best thing for protecting the children.Alcohol and drug abuse. Living with an alcoholic or addict is very difficult for children and can easily lead to abuse and neglect. Parents who are drunk or high are unable to care for their children, make good parenting decisions, and control often-dangerous impulses. Substance abuse also commonly leads to physical abuse.Untreated mental illness. Parents who suffering from depression, an anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or another mental illness have trouble taking care of themselves, much less their children. A mentally ill or traumatized parent may be distant and withdrawn from his or her children, or quick to anger without understanding why. Treatment for the caregiver means better care for the children.Lack of parenting skills. Some caregivers never learned the skills necessary for good parenting. Teen parents, for example, might have unrealistic expectations about how much care babies and small children need. Or parents who were themselves victims of child abuse may only know how to raise their children the way they were raised. In such cases, parenting classes, therapy, and caregiver support groups are great resources for learning better parenting skills.Stress and lack of support. Parenting can be a very time-intensive, difficult job, especially if you’re raising children without support from family, friends, or the community or you’re dealing with relationship problems or financial difficulties. Caring for a child with a disability, special needs, or difficult behaviors is also a challenge. It’s important to get the support you need, so you are emotionally and physically able to support your child.

Recognizing abusive behavior in yourself

Do you see yourself in some of these descriptions, painful as it may be? Do you feel angry and frustrated and don’t know where to turn? Raising children is one of life’s greatest challenges and can trigger anger and frustration in the most even tempered. If you grew up in a household where screaming and shouting or violence was the norm, you may not know any other way to raise your kids.Recognizing that you have a problem is the biggest step to getting help. If you yourself were raised in an abusive situation, that can be extremely difficult. Children experience their world as normal. It may have been normal in your family to be slapped or pushed for little to no reason, or that mother was too drunk to cook dinner. It may have been normal for your parents to call you stupid, clumsy, or worthless. Or it may have been normal to watch your mother get beaten up by your father.It is only as adults that we have the perspective to step back and take a hard look at what is normal and what is abusive. Read the above sections on the types of abuse and warning signs. Do any of those ring a bell for you now? Or from when you were a child? The following is a list of warning signs that you may be crossing the line into abuse:

How do you know when you’ve crossed the line?

You can’t stop the anger. What starts as a swat on the backside may turn into multiple hits getting harder and harder. You may shake your child harder and harder and finally throw him or her down. You find yourself screaming louder and louder and can’t stop yourself.You feel emotionally disconnected from your child. You may feel so overwhelmed that you don’t want anything to do with your child. Day after day, you just want to be left alone and for your child to be quiet.Meeting the daily needs of your child seems impossible.While everyone struggles with balancing dressing, feeding, and getting kids to school or other activities, if you continually can’t manage to do it, it’s a sign that something might be wrong.Other people have expressed concern. It may be easy to bristle at other people expressing concern. However, consider carefully what they have to say. Are the words coming from someone you normally respect and trust? Denial is not an uncommon reaction.

Breaking the cycle of child abuse

If you have a history of child abuse, having your own children can trigger strong memories and feelings that you may have repressed. This may happen when a child is born, or at later ages when you remember specific abuse to you. You may be shocked and overwhelmed by your anger, and feel like you can’t control it. But you can learn new ways to manage your emotions and break your old patterns.Remember, you are the most important person in your child’s world. It’s worth the effort to make a change, and you don’t have to go it alone. Help and support are available.

Tips for changing your reactions

Learn what is age appropriate and what is not. Having realistic expectations of what children can handle at certain ages will help you avoid frustration and anger at normal child behavior. For example, newborns are not going to sleep through the night without a peep, and toddlers are not going to be able to sit quietly for extended periods of time.Develop new parenting skills. While learning to control your emotions is critical, you also need a game plan of what you are going to do instead. Start by learning appropriate discipline techniques and how to set clear boundaries for your children. Parenting classes, books, and seminars are a way to get this information. You can also turn to other parents for tips and advice.Take care of yourself.If you are not getting enough rest and support or you’re feeling overwhelmed, you are much more likely to succumb to anger. Sleep deprivation, common in parents of young children, adds to moodiness and irritability—exactly what you are trying to avoid.Get professional help.Breaking the cycle of abuse can be very difficult if the patterns are strongly entrenched. If you can’t seem to stop yourself no matter how hard you try, it’s time to get help, be it therapy, parenting classes, or other interventions. Your children will thank you for it.Learn how you can get your emotions under control. The first step to getting your emotions under control is realizing that they are there. If you were abused as a child, you may have an especially difficult time getting in touch with your range of emotions. You may have had to deny or repress them as a child, and now they spill out without your control. For a step by step process on how you can develop your emotional intelligence, visit EQ Central.

Helping an abused or neglected child

What should you do if you suspect that a child has been abused? How do you approach him or her? Or what if a child comes to you? It’s normal to feel a little overwhelmed and confused in this situation. Child abuse is a difficult subject that can be hard to accept and even harder to talk about.Just remember, you can make a tremendous difference in the life of an abused child, especially if you take steps to stop the abuse early. When talking with an abused child, the best thing you can provide is calm reassurance and unconditional support. Let your actions speak for you if you’re having trouble finding the words. Remember that talking about the abuse may be very difficult for the child. It’s your job to reassure the child and provide whatever help you can.

Tips for talking to an abused child

Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his or her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.Safety comes first. If you feel that your safety or the safety of the child would be threatened if you try to intervene, leave it to the professionals. You may be able to provide more support later after the initial professional intervention.

Reporting child abuse and neglect

If you suspect a child is being abused, it’s critical to get them the help he or she needs. Reporting child abuse seems so official. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives.Understanding some of the myths behind reporting may help put your mind at ease if you need to report child abuseI don’t want to interfere in someone else’s family. The effects of child abuse are lifelong, affecting future relationships, self-esteem, and sadly putting even more children at risk of abuse as the cycle continues. Help break the cycle of child abuse.What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home - unless the child is clearly in danger. Support such as parenting classes, anger management or other resources may be offered first to parents if safe for the child.They will know it was me who called.Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify child abuse that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.

Next steps...

Reporting child abuse. As difficult as reporting child abuse or neglect can be, it’s important for you to stand up for a child in need. Learn how to communicate effectively in different situations. Read: Child Abuse Reporting Tips

Related articles and resources for child abuse and neglect

Authors: Joanna Saisan, M.S.W., Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: April 2012.

19 October 2013

15 Quirks Girls Have That Guys Go Crazy Over

15 Quirks Girls Have That Guys Go Crazy Over

by Derek Marshall, 
18th 2013

1. A Level-headed Sense Of Self-Deprecation

Not having one’s shit together can be very attractive. If it’s balanced properly–i.e., not overdone–it can be breathtaking.

2. The Knack For Being A Compelling Storyteller

When in relationships, girls talk a lot. Being a good narrator makes all the difference–if we’re smitten everytime you open your mouth…well, it’s not the worst.

3. Being A Sweatshirt Queen

If you can pull off wearing a guy’s oversized sweatshirt, chances are he’s gonna wanna hang around all day. Just don’t steal that varsity football ’09 hoodie!

4. A Random, Organic Enthusiasm

Random, unprovoked happiness. Is there anything better?

5. An Uptight Sense Of Humor

For the super serious types, who crack joke after joke without seeming to know. It’s a strange game they’re playing. I think the jokes on us–which is more than ok.

6. Great At Dancing, Unintentionally

Those who did 12 years of ballet need not apply. We’re talking about the unprovoked dance party girl, who drags you out onto the makeshift dancefloor that is your apartment kitchen. It’s not supposed to be this fun.

7. A Happy Clumsiness, That Shows She Doesn’t Take Herself Too Seriously

When babies fall or trip, they generally have two reactions–they bawl incessantly, or they laugh. Not sure if the same could be applied to “beautiful babies” (in the words of Vince Vaughn’s character from Swingers), but there’s always something about a girl who takes something ungraceful and turns it into beauty.Shutterstock

8. A Sexy Accent

Nothing to explain here. Think this one goes for both sides of the coin.

9. A Language Unique To Them

Not like Dutch or Swahili, but with their own unique brand of diction. A girl who can properly pull off a “wazzz poppin!!!” is a rare gem.

10. Says Things Like “I Really Like Ranch Dressing?”

The official thing here is “ending declarative sentences with an interrogative inflection.” Basically, being completely sure of something but ending in question form anyway. For some reason, this is great.

11.  Having A Big-Time Obsession With Pizza

Do we need to elaborate on the obvious?

12. The Innocent Hair Twirl

When it’s all subconscious-like. We don’t like to address it, because sometimes you’ll immediately stop. Which ruins the incredible charm.

13. Cute Hat Wearer

Not all the time. But a girl who can rock a winter beanie, or her man’s Yankee cap, is a girl with options.

14. Tells A Joke, Never Smiles

A ruthless staredown, like a comedian who doesn’t laugh at her jokes. Blunt, dry humor can go a long way. Why is this attractive? I guess it doesn’t really matter why. It just is.

15. Is a Genuine Person

Okay, a bit more than a quirk. But being completely true brings out the best of quirks, be them on this list or not. Staying true is alluring.

5 Words Of Advice On Getting Your Heart Broken

5 Words Of Advice On Getting Your Heart Broken

by Ashley Twigg
October 18th 2013VinothChandar

1. You can only mask your feelings for so long.

Drinking, partying and eating or not eating your feelings away gets old really quick. You aren’t going to just be OK instantly, but adding self destructive behavior is just going to make more issues for yourself and your current ones even harder to deal with.

2. Don’t blame your decisions on your current mental state.

Trust me, you just feel worse after. At the time you will give yourself ten reasons why whatever thing you are doing is justified (sleeping with someone you shouldn’t, eating a tub of ice cream in bed, wearing the same pair of yoga pants for four days). These things aren’t helping you and by you just dismissing it as “I’m a mess right now” you are going to let yourself perpetuate that behavior. You are stronger than you think.

3. Stop overanalyzing.

This is one is virtually impossible but you need to make a conscious effort to TRY not to think about things. You will drive yourself crazy living and reliving conversations and memories in your head. Unfortunately, THIS is where you are now. When you think about things you should have said or done or how WONDERFUL things used to be you are holding yourself back. You can’t move forward if your head is still stuck in the past.

4. Stop playing the blame game.

At this point does it really matter whose fault it was? Whatever happened, happened. It sucks but really there is a good chance too much damage has been done to go back to how things were despite whose fault it may or may not have been. Blaming yourself for something you can’t change will make you feel terrible. Blaming someone else is just harvesting negative energy and the only one it will ultimately hurt is you.

5. Tell yourself that some of the BEST days of your life are still ahead of you.

After a breakup there is certainly a BIG fear of the unknown that settles in. Will I find someone else? What if they don’t live up to that other person? OR, what if this is a second chance for something even BETTER to come along. Maybe your story isn’t going to end the way you planned, but it’s quite possible that it could be even better than you anticipated. Sometimes you have to deal with a LOT of bullshit to get to the good stuff, and this might just be a necessary detour along the way.

20 Life Lessons You Get From Having Anxiety & Being A Worrier

20 Life Lessons You Get From Having Anxiety & Being A Worrier

by Christopher Hudspeth, 
August 21st 2013

1. According to the disturbing worst-case scenarios it regularly cooks up, your imagination is much crueler than the universe and actual life tend to be.

2. Sometimes you’ve got to look out for your own comfort in social situations. That’s why I excuse myself to the restroom during icebreakers and I’m habitually late to things because I didn’t want to be a little bit early. This B.J. Novak tweet sums it up:I am often 15 minutes late because of my inexplicable anxiety about being 2 minutes early.

3. Our bodies do a lot of random, weird things and have unexplainable tendencies, but every headache isn’t a tumor, Arnold and every cough isn’t a symptom of lung cancer, Walt.

4. Although you may never stop striving for it, perfection is pretty non-existent. Aside from like, Rashida Jones and DiGiorno Pizza cooked in a properly preheated oven, then baked at 400°F for 22 minute, it’s unattainable.

5. People will often mistake anxiety and wariness for negativity and dullness. Not keen on the idea of sitting aboard shaky rides at the state fair because you aren’t comfortable with the fact that they were thrown together in a few hours?Lame, why don’t you live a little. Don’t want to go 100mph on a curvy road? Sheesh, dude, color outside the lines why don’t ‘cha?

6. Final Destination movies are predictable child’s play to you and you’re confident that you could assist them with devising ideas for ill-fated people in potentially gruesome situations.

7. Your mind’s favorite time to try and wrap itself around the concepts of gravity, physics & technology is from the moment a plane is airborne to the instant it successfully lands.

8. You’re more likely to get in an accident in a car than on an airplane. How do you know? Because everybody in the world tells you this when you express concerns about flying as if it’ll somehow make you feel better about the notion of plummeting thousands of feet to your death.

9. To some degree worriers are warriors, battling & staving off their constant flow of unpleasant thoughts and concerns as they try to manage a somewhat normal day/week/month/year/life.

10. Generally speaking, people aren’t paying nearly as much attention to your every last move as you sometimes think. Unless you pick your nose or trip, then somebody was probably watching.

11. Horror isn’t limited to masked killers or haunted houses – vulnerability in every sense of the word is the equivalent of being face to face with a knife-wielding clown.

12. When you anticipate potential disasters and expect things to go insanely wrong today, it’s kind of a relief when you make it home in one piece. Expect a killer tornado so when all you get is a strong gust of wind that blows your papers out of your hands and makes you run down the street trying to retrieve them like you’re Mother Nature’s puppy playing fetch, it’s actually not so bad.

13. Low, unhappy ending expectations like the ones mentioned above are bad, as are any expectations, really. We’re not psychics and rarely will anything pan out as we pictured. It’s better (and easier) to live in and respond to the next moment than to try and guess what’s to come.

14. The best way to make someone who is on the fence about doing something not do it is to draw attention by noisily encouraging them to do as you wish, so there are more eyes and an increased pressure. James won’t do his stellar Dane Cook impression? Nancy won’t get on the dance floor? Ask LOUDER, but don’t ask, so much as borderline aggressively demand it as you tug at their arms.

15. Seemingly everybody is dealing with some degree of apprehension or fairly constant concerns like you, it just might be a less extreme case. Or they simply do a better job of hiding it.

16. The past is a monster that needs sustenance to continue being relevant, and you spending yournow reliving it is like feeding unpleasant history a steak dinner. Trust me, I’ve spent countless hours feeling terrible about not taking advantage of an opportunity to travel or that time in third grade when I let a bully make fun of that kid who thought that he was gay, but you’ve got to learn not to dwell on the unchangeable.

17. Much like dollar bills, people’s opinions are only as valuable as our minds allow them to be. It’s easy to stress about how everyone perceives us but if we can narrow our caring down to a select few (mom, best friend, pet fish, Netflix recommendations, etc.) we’ll feel a weight lifted off our shoulders.

18. Going to bed and falling asleep are two entirely different concepts. One can go to bed at 11pm and, despite a valiant effort to keep their eyes shut, remain awake into the wee hours of the night, worrying about things. Hence, this tweet:Love yoga? Try the ‘Worrier Pose,’ which consists of sprawling out, biting your nails & imagining worst-case scenarios until 3am every night— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth)October 16, 2013

19. The little things that drive you crazy only get worse if you play into them and give them control.  Can’t stand mislabeled song files in your iTunes library? Go in there are organize until you flip your lid at a Coldplay song mistakenly listed as a Muse song. Hate upside-down boxes of food in the pantry? Turn ‘em upright until you go ballistic at the sight of some capsized Fruit Loops. Can’t stand uneven numbered lists?…

20. … I’m here for you. There’s always someonewho understands your neurotic, strange philosophies and nervous habits – even if you haven’t met them yet. 

17 Things You’ve Been Mistaking For Love

17 Things You’ve Been Mistaking For Love

by Chelsea Fagan, thoughtcatalog.com
October 17th 20131.

Getting isolated moments of affection or attention from someone who is otherwise very distant and, because of that, makes you hang on every move they make to see if it’s going to be one that ruins or completely makes your day.
2. Having really incredible sex with someone who proceeds to turn off like a light switch once the physical part of it is over. (This is often followed by an unceremonious re-dressing and a “I’ll call you” as they extricate themselves from the cuddle attempt.)
3. Being interested in an excessive amount of the same obscure pop culture stuff. Although, if this person happens to be Joseph Gordon-Levitt circa500 Days Of Summer, feel free to mistake that for a real connection.
4. Thinking about someone constantly, with very little interaction in real life, so that most of your thoughts and desires about them are from what you imagine them to be in your head.
5. Finally meeting someone who fits the description of “ideal partner” you have held onto, even if they are only good on paper and you don’t really feel a connection with them.
6. Having some kind of shared experience or past that enables the two of you to feel close without ever forming a bond as a couple.
7. Spending so much time together that you start to see each other as the “default” option and become incredibly comfortable with one another without really feeling any romantic emotion towards them. (This often results in the dreaded “dating-for-convenience” syndrome” that plagues many a hometown.)
8. Meeting someone again after a long separation in the kind of circumstances that lead the more reptilian part of your brain to believe that it’s “fate,” “destiny” or “meant to be.”
9. Being treated like shit by someone who has mastered the art of tearing you down and building you back up again, so you come to associate them with the “repair and soothe” feelings they provide without ever realizing that they are the ones making you feel like crap in the first place.
10. Finally getting attention from someone you perceive to be much more attractive, popular, or worthy than you. Feeling like you are honored just by getting a bit of their time, and not really caring how reciprocated the emotions are.
11. Being with someone for so long that you assume you must still be in love with them, even if it’s been a really long time since you’ve felt anything resembling connection or desire towards them.
12. Staying in said relationship more out of loyalty, comfort, and not being a quitter than anything else.
13. Seeing someone in a way that has to be discreet and somewhat hidden — maybe because one of you is getting out of a relationship, or because you work together — and being so overwhelmed by the forbidden nature of it all that you can’t really tell how you actually feel about that person.
14. Finding someone who is very stable, responsible, and perhaps financially settled at a time in your life where you have absolutely no ties to anything and can’t keep your shit together whatsoever.
15. Lusting after someone you are hot for, but who is completely unavailable.
16. Meeting someone while you’re traveling and having that perfect week-or-so slice of a relationship that allows you to feel like you love them without really knowing them at all. (This can often lead to the weird, awkward period where you try to prolong something that should have been a fling and is thousands of miles away.)
17. Wanting so badly to get back together with an ex, mostly to prove to yourself that you can do it and get back that sense of comfort, that you completely forget all of the very valid reasons you had for breaking up in the first place. Painfully re-igniting or prolonging a relationship simply to recreate a feeling you usedto have.